A Little Chaos

Ultimately I’m still trying to decide exactly what I want this space to be. I go back and forth between wanting to share cathartic movies I’ve found or people speaking about loss and grief in ways I’ve found helpful. I’m guessing it will end up being both, but I’ve been worrying about posting things that will upset or trigger people into other spaces of grief they don’t want or aren’t ready for. It’s likely I’ll attempt to post warnings as I go to avoid this type of thing.

Also I want to say (because I am a classic worrier and over-thinker) that it’s possible some of the videos I share might come from people with whom I don’t fully agree or movies made with less than perfect morals. The goal in sharing things to watch is to show a place or a time that I have felt seen as a grieving person, especially a grieving mother. I also want to be able to highlight place where I see grief discussed or portrayed honestly and accurately.

I wanted to start this section off by sharing this clip from a movie called “A Little Chaos.” It’s a lovely movie about a woman who works on designing a garden for King Louis XIV. The movie centers around a woman named Sabine. Sabine had a not very nice husband and a sweet daughter she loved very much. Both were killed in an accident.

In this scene, Sabine has gone to the palace of Louis XIV and has been whisked away by some ladies of the court to this special secret room where only women are allowed. The conversation quickly turns from frivolity to grief.

https://youtu.be/MdfwpCH1Ksk

I love this scene. I remember watching it the first time and completely bursting into tears because of how well it captures my own emotion. The women see her loss in her face as soon as they ask about her children. They ask her about it. When she can’t talk about it, they share their own stories, and they encourage.

And then they immediately make jokes and laugh (the joke is at the expense of another woman who has mistreated one of them). I loved this too because it shows how beautiful it is to have friends who understand our loss. You can flit so easily from conversations about silliness to conversations about death and then back to nonsense without giving each other emotional whiplash.

I don’t think I can say enough the power and life I have found sitting in a room with another woman who has lost a child. We don’t have to explain or compartmentalize. We understand that normal life now is always interspersed with moments of grief. If you are a person who is grieving, I won’t tell you to find a support group but I will tell you to try to find a way to connect with another human being who has lost a loved one like you have. It can make all the difference.